Time and time again, Jan wake up with an immense feeling. Feeling of sadness, of joy and with uncertainty. Emotions that are strong enough that many occasions Jan have had found himself waking up with tears from laughter or crying.
Jan was having a dream of traveling and going in this adventure. Bright and dream-like; a magical space where things were floating. The whole world is bright yellow colored cartoon realm. Jan, the adventurer was walking with a gigantic backpack on my back. Jan found himself climbing these magical floating rocks in space like the "blue monkeys" in Avatar. A lot of these rocks were connected to each other through vine-like strings. There were bridges seemed to be made by hand, by a man perhaps.
Absorbed by the surroundings and breath taking views, Jan was inclined to walk and see it through. It was vast. Jan see some big and small rocks as far as the eyes can see. Floating islands that have had trees and more vines and strings, roots, falling downward. Water falling from the island, some part, it is going upward, other places, it is going downward. Jan felt like he may have had watched the movie Avatar. Maybe Jan had teleported to this location. Perhaps, Jan went to a VR convention. Maybe he got stuck in this realm and couldn't take it off.
Jan's mind had snapped back to where he was. Mesmerized by the white snow-like clouds that were slowly moving away from the islands. Jan had that self talk and asked ..."Am I in a an adventure in the sky? I must be." This is too much of a dream or real to be true. Jan sees someone up ahead. It's was a guy running around in a circle. He was up ahead. Coincidentally, the same direction Jan was heading towards. Upwards, in this case.
Jan was climbing this massive rock at that time. It could easily be a small island. He saw another rock about 50 feet up from where he was. The closer he got, he could see that the man looked desperate, frantic even. He got curious and started to make the climb faster. Eager to find out, he yelled to find if everything was alright. Asked questions to let him know that he was approaching him. Didn't want to rattle him. Who knows...what if he decided to jump off? He would not be able to save him.
All of a sudden, he was overwhelmed with an unexpected set of emotion. Emotion of acceptance that he would have had to choose this life of adventure to just perceive and try his best. In the course of any and all action, inaction, and outcome would bring solace. His mental fortitude seemed to be an immovable object. The situation that he was in would not impact me whatsoever. He couldn't grasp it at all. Why was he going through this adventure? When was it that he had decided to go and figure things out? Was it because of his decision? Or was it due to an unexplained need? What was he chasing? Could it be that he was in pursuit of someone? Someone who had meant great deal to him? He climbed and thought of his feeling. Never felt an emotion so strong as such he thought. He felt like a specter of his own dream. He thought that he had traveled for a long time, there must be a reason why all of this is coming to him now. He couldn't grasp or reason as to why the sensation had crippled his ability to think freely.
Reached the top finally. He asked, "are you alright?" He explained that he is a fellow traveler who had not been to this world. Jan tried to rationalize by saying to the frantic man, that he had seen, done, and witnessed good and bad things, surely he could be of help. "What is it that I can help you with?" Jan was compelled to help him without hesitation. "I need to help this person!" As if destiny itself had assigned this task. It felt right to help, more importantly, he was concerned to find out why he was tasked or the cause of this odd sensation. Jan thought of the scenario where he had walked away. His emotions got the better hold of him and led him to the frantic man. Made Jan climb and approach. He wasn't even in the picture at the beginning. It must be something, and the frantic man might not know what that is. Only if he could find out when solve it. Jan accepted to help and took this part of the journey.
Jan looked at his watch and noticed that 15 minutes had passed. That guy had not budged, nor did he stop his walk. At this point, the frantic man had created a circle in the ground. Jan felt and was ignored. He did not pay any attention to his presence. Discouraged and ignored, he had extended his arm to break his walk. Jan had stopped him! Asked, "hey buddy! are you OK?" Breaking his stance, the frantic man immediately got startled. He was in a trance-like state that made him feel and think of nothing, not even the world. His thought was in his zone that no one else was part of. How can that be? From where he stood, he can only see the sun light and nothing more. Can't see any village or trees, just clouds, faded rocks. He told Jan, "look at your left and right, you only see clouds and faint sight of mountain like islands with just the tip covered by the clouds."
"Where are you from?" Jan asked. The frantic man replied, "Just up ahead, about half a mile you walk towards this direction "he pointed towards white fluffy covered cloud semi visible rocks." He continued to let Jan know that he wouldn't be able to see it. "What's going on? Why are you just walking around and in circle?" Jan asked. He said he was walking with his girlfriend when suddenly a mysterious portal like floating bubble just opened up and sucked her in. "I was holding her hand but the portal was so strong that it as pulling me inside. I had lost the grip to hold her, no, that's not right, I was so scared that I had let go of my hand from her. The vortex had only sucked her in. The moment I had yanked my hand out, I was grief struck and felt remorse, hate and lost. I had let go of this person whom I had strong feelings for. I don't know why I did what I did. I do know one thing, I regret what I have had done and I am sorting things out. My inner emotions to find courage and rid of fear without having to do anything rash is driving me insane. It has been couple of hours and I don't know if she is alright. I feel that because i let go of her, she will forever hate me. I don't want to deal with that emotion. Perhaps it is better if she is out there. If she do find a way to come back, I could not face myself."
The situation was quite ridiculous and tough Jan thought. Whether if she does decide, to leave, or to stay, this poor fella had done his best and tried to rectify the situation. He tried to be reasonable and rational. "Now I am going to tell you once. I am going in to rescue her, are you coming?" Jan buckled up my backpack, tightened his shoe. He didn't take his eyes off of him. He saw his courage and excitement. Pushed his limit and said, "you ready?" Took his arm and jumped into the portal.
In a split second, they had crossed dimensions. All that they knew, they had traveled into a different world. It's somewhat dark and desolate yet there are parts of it where it is well lit. Nothing in sight. Jan looked down, it seemed like there was a forest. He got the idea that he was far up. He couldn't tell what he was looking at. Jan persuaded the frantic man to climbed down with him. They both looked down and saw there were spots of light throughout the sky. As if heaven wasn't too far and all the stars had come to greet them.
Jan had felt this a deep emotion that he had rescued someone, not entirely, but he was in the process. They both landed safely to what it seemed like a ground. Frantic man pointed to Jan that he could see a village from one of the direction. Jan took the lead and walked towards it. "Yes, I was following the light." Jan seemed to come across a main entrance. He saw someone whom he had not seen for a long time. Right away, Jan got emotional to the point he started to cry. He felt the need to walk away and not look back. As if the journey was for Jan to find someone. It was then, "she" the one whom Jan have been searching for so long. Jan felt at peace to have had seen her face. The one whom Jan was searching for and went on the journey for. To find her trail and track her down to ask her the simple question. But now that he had seen her, he didn't want any part of her life. She was holding a bamboo basket over her head and then he saw a little girl running towards her as she screamed "mommy."
Jan was about to ask a question, but he stood there silently and thought, "I have loved you for so many years and I have gone to the journey to find you, to be with you, but you have moved on and so should I." She approached him and said, "I know you. Are you?(she paused)... Why are you here?" Dazed and confused by everything that was happening, Jan could not figure out what to answer. He paused and then said to himself..."wait there was a guy that was with me, and he was searching for his loved one. Sort things out between them two. That was my mission."
The moment he turned around, there was no one. Jan called for him, "hey guy, come out...I think this is the person you are looking for!" Nothing...Then he asked her, "did you see anyone else with me?" Not having to put the puzzles together, he felt strongly that he was there for the frantic man. Then it hit him as his gaze fell into hers. There wasn't anyone else. It was him. All along, he was the person that was seeking. The reality had sunk in and he happened to be in a place that had split his personality in two. Every instances of this journey was all a part of his life that he could not figure out.
After some time, Jan reaffirmed her why he was there. He told her what he was thinking and said, "I cannot stay in this village. You see, deep inside of me, this strange gut feel was advising that my journey had not completed yet. That I had to leave her as is and find out the rest of the world." She tried to ask him questions to buy her some time; to figure things out, but he couldn't bare to answer it. He felt he was in an hostile environment. He needed to walk away. No answers, no questions, he only wanted to leave.
Jan's heart had become a stone. Emotionless, he paid no attention and walked away. She grabbed his hand and said, "STAY!" with a screaming voice. She won't bother him and that he can enjoy this town. Jan knew right then and there that he was not running away from anything, not even her. He had found his reason and that he had to go on this journey, this idea to travel. It wasn't because of her, or what she had done to him. He had found a bit of solace within him. He told her that he must go and that this town would be on his journey, just not right now. He walks away. He felt like a paper. As if an emotional bond, an attachment, between him and her was being ripped, but slowly. Each step he took, the bond was severed.
Phone alarm started to ring and woke Jan up. As he woke up, he noticed that his watch had been buzzing all this time. He shut each of them and said...THAT WAS CRAZY! But then, I wake up and realize, Jan was me.
