Never the best at starting things. Probably because in my mind, I am always thinking of how could anything have a beginning. Our brain has to concatenate a bunch of ideas and then form a satisfactory explanation/idea that makes sense and then create this "thing." I am fascinated that out of thin air; my mind can make things that did not exist before. For something to exist, thoughts are combined continuously to form the known. And for it to be, it needs to be first acknowledged, at least the possibility of it.
I have been exploring my interest in photography, videography, and about myself. Ways to record, paint, depict stories so that it makes sense. But why do any of it, at all? What do I want to accomplish? To fulfill a goal: to learn what I can so that when I am old and can't remember, I have a record of it...
Just like this website, I had a grand scheme to create it with my hand and then publish it. I gave myself a deadline to complete the project. I made great progress and learned a lot in short time, but it wasn't feasible. I know that someday it will come to fruition; however, the deadline was approaching fast. I still wanted to accomplish my goal. To meet the deadline, I had to step back for a second and think of the end goal, which was a website to store my information. I looked for alternatives while continuing my effort to create it by hand. After doing extensive research, trials and giving a shot, I settled with Squarespace. Even then, I struggled to make it the way I wanted it and how I wanted to portray it. I was able to make slight changes in my behavior, outlook, and perception to achieve it.
Currently, I am struggling with videography. A skillset that I am not sure where it would lead to, but my interest is there nonetheless. As I sit here at Cafe Nero sipping my iced Rooibos Vanilla Tea with a dash of Honey, I know what to do to overcome. At some point, I will have to take a step back and realize my struggle and make a slight change.
