New England weather has and will always be unpredictable. Various weather apps can give some assurance of the possibilities. With one of my eyes and one hand waking up before the rest of my body, I took a quick peek through the window. I positioned my bed to be lazy and allow me to see what's going on outside. I couldn't tell if it was going to rain or sunshine. Opening the Weather app and swiping away on my iPhone, I knew, another random day.
Moving around like a snake with the prophesied 50% chance of precipitation, I tried to wake up the rest of my body. Overcast grey clouds were running slow, yet every so often, the big yellow sun showed it's face to the world. No morning dew, raindrops or wet ground. Someone probably asked the big man up above the clouds that today will be a noir movie festival. The city folks knew, "It's time to get up and start the day."
Just before leaving the house, I contemplated whether to grab something for breakfast. Afterall, someone had told me once, "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" The nearest and quickest food that I could grab were these bars that I had bought yesterday night. About 30 Lara bars to be exact in six boxes consisting of five individual packets. All of them were flavors that I had picked or wanted to try. I am not a morning person, so to entertain the idea of breakfast in the morning takes a considerable effort.
To best describe me in the morning, I am much closer to that of a tornado than a gentle wave. The first box was the Banana and Chocolate Chip flavor. I opened it as if I was He-Man himself. "By the power!" I have what I wanted, and off I went to my car. When I got in the car and sat down, I immediately opened the bar. It was one of those type of food that made me salivate, just a little. The bar had a particular smell to it. The first bite was enough to satisfy my hunger, but the intoxicating joy of eating had started.
(4 ingredients: Dates, Semi-sweet Chocolate Chips, Unsweetened Bananas, Almonds)
When I have dates; I go for it. It makes me feel good inside. The unsweetened bananas would have been much better sweetened. However, the semi-sweet chocolate chips had balanced and brought a depth of flavor. Now...I am not a big fan of eating nuts, but if I have to have them, almonds would be my go-to.
Not grabbing water and my laziness to walk back into the house even though I was 20 feet away made me eat the bar slower-er. I glanced at the size of the bar and took even smaller bites. I am not a maniac who is going to put all of it in my mouth. With enough sexual innuendos running early in the morning, there was a momentary pause, a sudden realization, and appreciation of my senses.
Commonly known, a human has five senses. Sight, hear, touch, smell, and taste. Through these senses, we can experience each day, night, and much more. We convert these senses to the vital energy we know and call, emotions. The ability to express these emotions through our thoughts, actions, and repetition is a direct correlation that makes us, unique. Moreover, by definition, the story that we too share by no means the same as anyone else.
An emotion driven by one of the five senses had brought me down to earth, grounded, and speechless. Until recently, I faced feelings and dealt with emotions without paying much attention to where it originated. I did notice minor details here and there that gave me some clues but never fully understood it. For instance, based on the weather, I felt and behaved differently. Almost mellow and calm then when it is sunny.
Unexpected overcast weather, I was walking along the sidewalk with my sunglasses on. The glare from the sun and specks of dust flying into your eyes can be quite unpleasant in the city. I passed by many others, but this one particular man, I saw and observed him. He was walking towards my direction, and as I walked towards him. Fate had rolled the dice, and we were going to cross each other. The closer I got, I started to feel sad. I was overwhelmed by sadness and frustration.
A blind man was walking by the sidewalk with a white and red cane. I asked the dreadful questions to myself...why do I feel sad? What is causing me to feel sad? Is it the weather? Is it the person being blind? Why do I feel these emotions? Why are the feelings grow stronger and stronger as I got closer to this man? Do I know him from somewhere? What am I to do? Do I cross the street to avoid him? Escape my emotions? How do I face it?
Feeling somewhat lost and confused, I tried to ground my self by observing my behavior. My pace had gotten quicker. My body felt heavier with each step. I wanted to escape my emotions, at that moment, and the feelings that were running through my head. It's not pity that I was feeling. It was the little and deep-rooted emotion that caused me to compare myself to him. For that brief moment, I examined my senses with his lack off. I can see and he can not.
How is it possible that this man, the man who could not see is walking along the sidewalk, same as I am? He did have legs. What I wanted to know was the metaphysical reason that motivated him to continue, his life. This man had possessed something, an element, experiences that make me question myself. The willingness to pursue and go through the world. He has, purpose.
The man did not possess sight, and he was able to use his other senses to experience the world. He couldn't see it, but he could experience it through his hearing, tasting, smelling and touching. This man had made me compare myself with him. To me, he is and will be a far better man than I am in some retrospect. Part of me felt sorry for myself. As if the sight to see was a curse. Many things I have seen and considered terrible that he has not seen. He probably had heard of it but how did he take it?
My world seems like a curse. The sight that I possess have seen many things, deadly, terrible things that I wished I unseen. At the same time, I realized that I had seen many beautiful things that I am thankful. What is this unsettling feeling that I was facing? I couldn't make up my mind. These feelings felt like an eternity in my mind. "Yes, I want to escape," was going through my head. I don't want to freeze in the middle of confusion. I was becoming sadder, and I couldn't fully grasp as to why.
The entirety of that moment consisted of fifteen steps. In my mind, however, I felt I had walked for hours. The further I walked away, the weight, the heavy heart, was becoming lighter, but at the same time, my curiosity had gotten stronger. I wanted to know more about this man. I wanted to know what he had experience in his life. How he overcame obstacles that usually brings an ordinary man to his knees.
The further I got from this man, there was a battle, a war between two feelings was raging inside. I want to ask him many questions but what if I start to feel this sadness again? I choose the latter, what was comfortable, to walk away. I couldn't bear the thought of experiencing it. If I did, I would have probably broken down into tears. Tears were not for that man, but for myself. I have lived many years of my life, and this man had not seen. However, with the other four senses, experienced and are living it. Something I wouldn't be able to comprehend unless I was in his place.
Later I realized that I was thankful. With an extra sense, I am responsible for painting what others cannot see or feel. I felt grateful and happy my life was beautiful, in its way. In my version, I had felt this feeling that even if others have had felt, they didn't speak about it. They didn't let their emotions expressed. I am thankful that we had crisscrossed paths. The gift of life and the ability to share it has the power to froze time itself.
